We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
