i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
