somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
