i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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