Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
