so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
