Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
