Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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