ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
