There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
