I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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