well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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