she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
