hotel room ftw
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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