Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I didn't notice because vodka
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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