I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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