I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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