so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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