Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
