awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
