Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
