I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
