sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
