I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
