So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
