we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You ruined the universe
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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