you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i now understand why vodka
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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