New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
