I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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