definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
