Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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