we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
