Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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