Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
