Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
