am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
