Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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