the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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