he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
