we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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