Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
