I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
