I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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