Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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