Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
