Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
