I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
