I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Someone shit on the floor
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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