I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
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ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
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You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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