Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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