My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
