You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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