i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
