fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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