Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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