It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
