She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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