i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
