What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
