WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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