why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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