I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
