just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pants are for mortals
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