Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
