I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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