Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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