the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
