I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
