I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
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