sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
