She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
