I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
